So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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