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What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sober January is a disaster.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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