i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
