She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
