omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
