I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
