I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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