tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
