Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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