Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
