So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize