The maid of honor just puked.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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