Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How external is "for external use only"?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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