I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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