I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
