when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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