And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
