I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
