Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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