just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
