need another drink. this is the easiest way
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
