I'm laying in your front yard are you home
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
birth control should be required to get into college
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
