If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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