I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
All the doctor said was why
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
