weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
