Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize