all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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