I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
