He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
