it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
