Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
