I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
