Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
