It was confusing and full of hummus
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
