i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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