The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
