woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
