Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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