***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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