R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
True but thats because hes a fetus.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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