I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
