Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
