so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
