Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
