Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
