Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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