I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I have post one night stand depression
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
