Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
