For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
