The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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