i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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