I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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