also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
