this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
