you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
