too bad you live with your parents still
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
