i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
