Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
