hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
