Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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