considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
