i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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