I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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