The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You smell like stripper and shame
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
