i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
