bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
