JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
