"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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