You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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