I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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