Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
