I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize