Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
