My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
