If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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