PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
