2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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