I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
