gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
