TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
