Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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