We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
