the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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