I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize