I must be too annoying 4 u.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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