so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
