If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They took my balls.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
