he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
