sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
