I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
