possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
