you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
