so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
