OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
